Real Talk: End-of-Life Care, Energy Shifts & Saying No to Distraction

Dear Reader,

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This Love Letter comes to you today with gratitude from the traditional territory of the Lekwungen and W̱SÁNEĆ peoples, stewarded today by the Songhees and Esquimalt First Nations.

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POWER

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Lately, I’ve been sitting with a lot – caring for an aging parent provides opportunities for care, honesty, clarity, softness, and the kind of quiet that asks you to listen more than speak. There have been moments of exhaustion and deep grief, as well as moments of deep gratitude and feeling SO supported.
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Today, I want to share a few practices that have been playing out in my life, in the hopes that they will encourage you to make some clarifying decisions in your own life.

A few weeks ago, decided to step away from social media and all news media for a week (maybe longer?).
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What I noticed was immediate.

My mind felt quieter.

I had more focus.

I was able to take care of big emotional and logistical decisions around my Dad’s care without spiraling from the noise or being pulled into chaos or using the ‘news’ as a distraction from what was sitting right in front of me.

I was also sick with a cold, so I spent time sleeping (not scrolling), reading some good books, watching a few movies, and taking in some of the The Great British Baking Show... (definitely late to the party on that one, but it's fab!)
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The stillness and time away from news media and social media gave me room to breathe.

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And I felt POWERFUL in that decision.

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I learned that there is power in saying no to the channels and habits that keep us ‘hooked in’.

The past few days I’ve dared to look at a little bit of news media and read a few articles on Substack. And you know what?

My life is better without all of it.

It’s just filler for what’s REALLY important – the people and experiences you have every day, right in front of you.

I say this with the caveat that I still plan on engaging with social media, but the WAY I’ll be using it is changing. I’ll be using it to amplify marginalized voices, to connect people, and to fill my own cup with connection medicine.

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PAUSES

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I now have a blocker on my laptop for most of my ‘go-to’ news sites, and I’ve deleted the apps from my mobile devices.

I have time limiters on my social media apps, 45 mins total per day for all of the following apps: Facebook, Instagram, BlueSky, and Substack.

45 mins is plenty of time for me to share and engage with what I want to do.

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Here are a few other benefits of the social media and news pauses:

· I had time to read, delete, and unsubscribe from a bunch of emails I no longer need/want

· I engaged with the memberships and communities I’m a part of that don’t use the main social platforms (Mighty Networks, and a few customized app communities)

· I felt lighter overall and my mental chatter didn’t revolve around others’ decisions so wholly unconnected with me.

· My total phone screen time went down by 25%

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I also say this with awareness that I’m communicating from a place of privilege – I can choose to ignore the news because most of it has no personal, immediate effect on my life. And that frees up my energy to focus on what’s REALLY important…

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PRESENCE

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I’ve been navigating a very personal threshold: I’m becoming the primary care giver for the journey into end-of-life care for my Dad. Right now he’s still living independently, two doors away. He still gets out to the grocery store, prepares himself meals, and takes care of errands. And, these things are becoming increasingly difficult for him.

So, he’s letting me in to support in other ways.

We recently set up some big medical decisions, paperwork, and care-plans for him. Clarifying his wishes for when he’s gone. And getting some in-home supports in place for him that still afford him dignity and independence.
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As one of my mentors told me, “Jen, you were trained for this.” And I am. It is absolutely and honour and a privilege to be able to walk this with my Dad, and with the support of the rest of the family. (I’m not doing this alone, but I’m the primary contact).

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It’s one of those experiences that strips away what doesn’t matter and brings what does into sharp focus. It’s tender, raw, and sometimes overwhelming—and it’s also teaching me about presence in a way nothing else has.

If you’re facing something similar, I just want to say: you are not alone. There’s no script for this kind of love. We just do our best to meet it with honesty and grace.

This kind of care means I don’t have as much energy for social activities with friends, or for certain business activities (like some of the plans I had laid out in January). And, I’m just going with the flow.

My Presence is important, not just for my family, but for you, dear reader.

Speaking of presence, this is quite a long Love Letter already, but I wanted to share one more thing with you – this is local for Victoria/South Vancouver Island-based folks only – but my next Sunday Night Soundscape is coming up, THIS Sunday, April 13^th, at the Victoria Truth Centre.

I’m trying out a new event management site called 3Common - Please visit the Sunday Night Soundscape Event page here to purchase tickets​

I haven't held a Soundscape since mid-December, so it's time to bring these beautiful monthly rituals back to my local audience.

In closing, I’ll leave you with these reflection questions:

• Where could you pause to soften this week(end)?
• What’s one powerful practice you could choose to implement in your life sometime this month?
• Where can you recognize for yourself that your presence matters – to your loved ones, to your friends, and to the world as a whole?

Thank you for being here - I love preparing these Love Letters for you.

With Love,

Jen

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P.S. April 13^th Sunday Night Soundscape Info available right here:​

I do my work in Victoria, BC, the traditional and unceded lands of the The Lək̓ʷəŋən (Lekwungen) and W̱sáneć (Saanich:W̱SÁNEĆ) peoples, part of the larger language group of Coast Salish People.

I acknowledge the stewardship and care of the land that they have provided over thousands of years and I’m grateful to be able to live, work and play here.